Since the writing of this article, the author’s final grandparent passed into sweeter pastures, and out of this world. A time to mourn that which has been lost, and a time to celebrate what she has gained. Looking back on what if’s, and what might have been, let us in turn learn, so that as we eventually fill the roles our ancestors one filled, the place in the family, we have the wisdom of the ancestors speaking to us, to guide us.

Edgar Marion Chandler with Paul Wesley Chandler

It is known that in Africa, especially in an historical sense, tribal groups have had religious practices that contain Ancestral veneration, or even worship.
In the very least, the elders have been respected for their wisdom and leadership within the familial, village, or tribal units.

While many, especially those who have come with different beliefs, have denounced the most blatant and spiritual aspects of this tradition, and the fact that the social is changing as well, could there not still be value in some parts of this?

Let me expand on the top header of this site, “Return to the old watering holes, for more than water; friends and dreams are there to greet you.”

I write this now, as my last living grandparent lies on her deathbed. I am faced with questions of the relationship of the patriarch or matriarch of the family to their offspring.

Being in Africa for a significant chunk of my growing up years, I struggle in knowing that I have not had as much opportunity to hear of the old days, the old stories of my blood.

It is true, my life experiences (and those of my siblings) differ greatly from any in the family before me, as we were the first to live in Africa. This separation is sometimes used to excuse our involvement in the family upon visitation or return to that country.
Nonetheless, I am proud of my name, proud of my blood, though I am less attuned to our familial unit than most others.

It was sometime after the death of my grandfather on my father’s side, that I heard an audio recording of an interview he had done with another family member prior to his passing.
I felt captivated as for the first time as an adult, I realized my true lineage and blood was so different than my life experiences, yet one I wanted, and needed to know better.

I began to lament the fact that, though there was a continental divide, I could not sit and learn from my own ancestors, the way one might do so around the fire in Africa.

So, while I surely relished the adopted social/cultural environment I had, my true blood began a long, long time ago on two different continents. This was something I began to understand that I needed as I searched for my own identity in between several different cultures at once.

Getting this would require me to sacrifice a little. The ‘Africa’ I held on to so tightly was something I did not want to give up, just so that I could fit into the family again.
But it did become something I learned to keep, and yet keep from comparing to, when with my family. I did not have to always compare things to Africa, but instead, began to understand how to value each, in their own place in my life.
There is a way to get on in life, a return, so to speak, to the oldest of watering holes; the family.

I often willingly return to the watering holes I want and like, such as Africa and the dreams that come with.
Returning to even older ones is tougher.
It is not a case of neglect for the other however. It is a case of, truly, venerating our own Ancestors, if not in a spiritual sense, at least in a sense that grows our world larger than one continent, if not the whole earth. Not only do I go back a generation or two, but as far back as time will allow.
I am African, I am American, I am European.
It is a case of applying an African principle to a non-African family, and comes out in our own lives as an accumulation of both; one we are born with, one we are bred with, both we love.

To gogo chandler: May your road go ever on, beyond even our own sight here on earth, and may you find comfort with your Creator when He decides to call you to Him. Return to the oldest watering hole of all and to your beloved again; he waits for you. And may you be blessed in Heaven for the fruit of your offspring, and May your offspring return to you.